Saturday, September 3, 2011

Overcoming a Bad Day

Today I'm blogging from the beach. It's a beautiful day and I feel happy, 
relaxed and in good spirits (which is surprising because carbs were just removed 
from my diet-14 days till Showtime!-so I had anticipated being kind of cranky).
love skywriting at the beach!
Yesterday, however, wasn't so peaceful. Do you ever have those days where no 
matter what you just can't snap out of your misery??? My morning got off to a rushed 
start when I misplaced my house keys. I had just finished a tough legs session 
with my trainer and had an hour to kill before work. I went to my boyfriends 
apartment to enjoy breakfast and some nice alone time to relax a bit before 
starting my shift. As soon as I got to the apartment I realized my keys were at 
my house. Oops. So I spent the free hour racing back and forth, scarfed down 
breakfast in minutes and off to work I went...a little late. 

I forgot my keys and a few other things throughout the morning and my head just 
felt like a cloud after an explosion!!! A big poof of air with little particles 
floating around in no particular direction. 

After work my mom wanted to go shopping so I figured a little retail therapy and 
doing my makeup and getting dressed would make me feel better. For whatever 
reason it didn't. Looking in the mirror, all I could see was this ugly girl 
staring back. So i tried my best to cover her up with globs of dark eyeshadow, 
liner and mascara. That didn't work. 

I was just off, feeling down on myself and couldn't shake it! My mind starting 
racing obsessing. I nitpicked every last feature and every inch 
of my body in negative ways. I thought about possible ways to compensate for my 
supposed "flaws":

   Maybe I need botox?

   I should get like twenty layers of a spray tan

   I'd look SO much better with permanent hair and eyelash extensions

   Who am I kidding? I need to start wearing makeup everyday

   I don't even want to eat

   I'm not working out enough

When I noticed my mind going back to those places (the eating and exercise 
obsessions) I knew I was falling into the mind game trap. Even though in the 
moment I didn't believe them, I repeated some positive affirmations. I Reminded 
myself that none of this nonsense is true! It's all mind games. 

When I got back to Dan's apartment after shopping I was starting to feel better, 
but still a little off. I sat in the other side of the room, curled up in a ball 
and ignored him. Eventually I realized what I was doing and felt bad for taking 
it out on him. Later in the night we ended up talking and snuggling. 

He blamed my mood on my nervousness and anticipation for the show. He reminded 
me that every time I have a goal for myself I borderline-obsessively put 100% of 
everything I have towards achieving that goal. Being a perfectionist can be a 
problem sometimes...

He was completely right! I was anxious about the show and how I would do and I 
let that thought consume me. Worrying that I may not win first place made me 
feel like I'm not good enough. That carried into my day and me feel not 
"pretty/muscular/smart" etc. enough. 

But that's not true. Those mind games are dangerous and can completely consume 
you! It's important to be aware of these thoughts and know that they're 
irrational. Repeating positive affirmations has helped me. 

I went to bed thinking positive and reminded myself that tomorrow is a new day, 
and I'm blessed to be here! 

no makeup...not so terrible ;)

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